What Comes First
by emebalia
Summary: Tag to 2x01, "This demon comes first – before me, before everything." So why did John make the deal and gave away the only weapon that could help them against the demon?


**What Comes First**

John lay in the hospital bed thinking. With a busted leg and a busted arm and bruised all over there wasn't much else he could do. Thinking. It was more than Dean could do at the moment.

Nothing of this would have happened if Sam had followed his order for once and had shot the demon when he had the chance. After what had happened to Mary and Sam's girlfriend John had counted on Sam to do the right thing, to end it once and for all. But in the end Sam had listened to his brother. With John Sam loved to butt heads over every little thing, questioned every order he gave him but with Dean Sam was completely different. One word, one glance and Sam fell in line behind Dean.

Okay, that had worked out when Dean finally had figured out that the man they'd rescued wasn't their father.

The demon had asked for the Colt and inwardly John had screamed at Dean to not give this bastard the gun. And Dean had figured it out. He had realized that it was a trick.

"Dean, how do you know?" Sam had asked and his brother had nothing better to offer than an indifferent "He's different.".

But that had been enough for Sam. That and one glance at his brother and Sam took his place at Dean's side despite the demon's tries to convince him that he was his father.

How Dean had figured it out was a can of worms John wasn't quite ready to open, though.

"He wouldn't be proud of me." Dean's voice echoed through John's mind. In that moment he only had been glad that Dean had finally realized that something was wrong but now he had time to think about it. To think about what it meant.

_What comes first?_

Killing the demon. John had dedicated his whole life to that task, had raised his sons to that. But when it came to it, both of his sons had put other things first.

_What comes first?_

Dean had wasted one bullet on an ordinary demon, saving his brother's life but still. And Sam had wasted another one sparing John's life. Which left them with one bullet. He could only hope that Sam still had the Colt and that one bullet, though. Sam was with Dean right now and so far John had only spoken with a doctor who had confirmed that John would survive, no lasting damage, and Dean maybe not. That Dean was in a coma and that John should have realistic expectations.

_What comes first?_

He thought about his conversation with Sam in the car with Dean unconscious in the back seat, just seconds before the crash. What exactly happened John wasn't sure but he remembered Sam's glance at the mirror – at Dean, seeking his brother's advice or approval even if he was unconscious – before he'd answered: "No, sir. Not before everything."

Images, memories, flashed in John's mind. Dean pinned to the wall, bleeding and begging for his life. He closed his eyes but that only made the pictures in his head more vivid.

He heard the demon talking with his voice, telling Dean how pathetic he was. That Dean needed his family more than they needed him, that Sam clearly was John's favorite and basically telling Dean that his own father didn't give a shit about him.

And the worst part was the look in Dean's eyes. Like he believed it. Even when he was begging John to not let the demon kill him, there was this look in his eyes as if he was convinced that he wasn't worth saving.

After Sam had shot the demon he had been at his brother's side in a heart-beat, not even bothering to make sure that the demon was dead. But Dean had insisted that Sam checked on John first.

Dean had told Sam to not shoot him while John was begging Sam to do it. Even after all this Dean had put his family first. And Sam had followed.

_What comes first?_

Killing the demon. A few hours ago the answer had been pretty clear.

_What comes first?_

Now he wasn't so sure anymore. His sons had a different answer to this question.

_What comes first?_

Dean was dying. His son was dying. Was it worth it?

Dean had killed a person to save his brother's life and the only thing that bothered him afterwards was the length he was willing to go to save his family.

_What length am I willing to go to save my family?_

John made a decision. He knew what came first.

He started to make a list. Bobby should be able to get him the things he needed. And he would need the Colt and the last bullet. Hopefully Sam wouldn't argue too much about this and just get him the stuff he asked for. John couldn't tell him what he was planning. He had to keep his plan to himself. Like way too many things.

There would be time to argue later but first he had to save Dean.

_What comes first?_

Family.


End file.
